Posted on March 26th, 2007 by jokes
A man his father and grandfather go into a bar for a beer. While they’re sitting at the bar a fly is flying around their head. The man spits and hits the fly, sending it into a spiral. It recovers and flys off. The bartender is like,”That was amazing!”
The man says,”That was nothing, you should see my father.”
Another fly flys in and the father spits and the fly doesn’t recover from his spiral.The bartender is like,”That was amazing!”
The father says,”That was nothing, you should see my father.”
Another fly flys in and the grandfather spits and hits the fly, sending it into a spiral. It recovers and flys off.
The bartender is like,”That was not as amazingas the other one!”
And the grandfather says”Yeah, but that one will never breed again!”
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Posted on March 21st, 2007 by jokes
The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed. The egg mutters “Well I guess that answers that riddle“.
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Posted on March 18th, 2007 by jokes
Posted on March 15th, 2007 by jokes
Bono was at a U2 concert in Ireland when he asked the audience for some
quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the
microphone…”Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”
A drunken voice from near the front of the audience pierces the
silence…”Fookin’ stop doing it then!”
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Posted on March 12th, 2007 by jokes
– one brown, one yellow, and one black, were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s surgery when they struck up a conversation. The black lab turned to the brown and said, “So why are you here? “The brown lab replied, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything –the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.” The black lab said, “So what is the vet going to do?” “Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the reply from the brown lab. “They reckon it’ll calm me down.” The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, “Why are you here?” The yellow lab said, “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner’s couch.” So what are they going to do to you?” the black lab inquired. “Looks like I’m losing my nuts too.” the dejected yellow lab said. The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, “Why are you here?” “I’m a humper,” the black lab said. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, postboxes, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away“. The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, “So, nuts off for you too, huh?” The black lab said… “No, I’m here to get my nails clipped.”
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Posted on March 6th, 2007 by jokes
Posted on March 4th, 2007 by jokes
A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink from the same glass twice.” An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either. The Alabama girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi, and catches her glass. She says, “In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs, that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.
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Posted on February 26th, 2007 by jokes
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time.One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.”Kenneth.”"And what is your question, Kenneth?”"I have three questions: First – whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband’s eight years in the office as President? Second – why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third – whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?”Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.When they resume, Hillary says, “Okay, where were we? Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question?”A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary point him out and asks him what his name is.”Larry.”"And what is your question, Larry?”"I have five questions: First – Whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband’s eight years in the office as President? Second – Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third – Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth – Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? Fifth – What the hell happened to Kenneth?”
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Posted on February 25th, 2007 by jokes
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
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Posted on February 24th, 2007 by jokes
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
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