Jokes and funny moments

– Posted By Mr D Stevens to Blog of Jokes at 5/23/2010 10:05:00 PM

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Coffin wanted Can’t pay my rent, I need a place to sleep. Would be ideal if its waterproof. Cheers. – Posted By Mr D Stevens to Blog of Jokes at 4/08/2010 01:17:00 AM

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Requirements: A lazy buggerYour eyebrows are too close togetherWoman of child-bearing age (esp. if blond, blue-eyed etc. – banned by the missus)Male under forty (banned by me)Ethnic minority with less than 5 generations based in Northern part of UKMember of a religion that insists on prayer when you should be workingLesbian (on the grounds that [...]

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Consider a job as a HOBO: Precinct Beverage OperativeSalary: 10p for a cup of tea + carrier bags Harold Ramp & Partners, one of Europe’s leading vagrancy consultancies are seeking to recruit an experienced precinct beverage operative to join a busy bench in Newcastle’s Eldon Square shopping centre. The successful candidate will have a proven [...]

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Diary of a Cat DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece [...]

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A man marries a deaf woman. He tells her they need a code for having sex. Pull on my member once for yes, 42 times for no . . .

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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My [...]

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Option 1 “My lover and I can’t come to the phone right now but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.” Option 2 “A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.” Option [...]

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An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. French man: “You American folk eat the whole bread??” American (in a bad mood): “Of course.” French: (after blowing a huge bubble) [...]

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